People often ask me "Minx, what are you reading at the moment darling?"
The Truth About Elvis
Jess Stearn with Larry Geller (celebrity hairstylist)
What's it all about? (according to the sleeve notes): Elvis Presley felt guided by heaven's hand to become the messenger of god. For the first time, here is the truth about Elvis and his power of psychic healing; his belief in UFOs; his prophecy of his own death and his predictions of Armageddon and the New Age.
Opening lines: The phone rang and an unfamiliar voice said: 'I know Elvis would like you to write this book, as your writings had some influence on him'. This was my introduction to Larry Geller, Elvis's long-time resident guru and spiritual adviser (aka hair stylist and Memphis Mafia sycophant)
Snap critique: Spookily inaccurate spiritual guidance, mainly from the King's hairdresser, Geller, who somehow built a psychic bridge to the big man and never really got over it.
Best read: When you've got the moody blues and not sure if your gettin' through ... even after your tenth fried chicken washed down with the King's special medicinal cocktail. Give it time, it will all make sense.
The Amorous Antics of Old England
What's it all about? (according to the sleeve notes): The history of sex in Britain has been largely glossed over by 'proper' historians, but Cawthorne has burrowed deep into the archives to reveal exactly what these libidinous types got up to - in bed... and out of it. (Hello!)
Opening lines: It may be hard to believe, but in times gone by the English were considered a particularly attractive lot - particulary when compared with the French.
Snap critique: You will be shocked and stunned by the antics of this most randiest of races. Just like reading the script for a Carry On movie, but this is backed up by rigorous research (not that I'm suggesting that Carry On Up the Khyber was anything but purely factual).
Best read: When the passion is gone and you really can't be arsed to bring it back. Lie back and think of ye olde England, it's far more entertaining.
Too Damn Famous: A Novel
Joan Collins (and BTW, thanks Joan for making it clear this is "a Novel" otherwise we just might have thought it was about you)
What's it all about?: Too damn famous, too damn beautifu, too damn rich - but, above all, much too lonely Katherine Bennet is the star who has made 'The Skeffington' the most watched TV soap in America. She has everything except the one thing she wants above all: someone who truly loves the real Katherine, not the screen image.
Opening lines: "I don't need a husband, I need a wife," Katherine Bennet declared just loudly enough for the convoy of reporters snapping at her heels to hear. She was hurrying thought the winding corridors of Santa Monica Superior Court, with her expensive and expansive divorce lawyer Barry Lefcovitz in tow ..."
Snap critique: Channelling Marilyn Munroe's quote "The problem is men go to bed with Marilyn and wake up with Norma Jeane" except Katherine is from the 80s and her lovers wake up with a woman with crazy-big bed hair and shoulder pads in her negligee. It's all opulence, dramatic dialogue about desperately wanting to be alone ... but not really, and a conga line of love rats. Just like, um, Dynasty.
Best read: While recovering from a 'procedure' at Dr Tuck's Private Clinic, California.
If I Knew Then What I Know Now ... So What?
TV's Favourite Golden Girl Estelle Getty
What's it all about?: Former Golden Girl Getty (Sophia Petrillo) serves up her wisdom and advice on everything from marriage and motherhood to Hollywood and hypochondria.
Opening lines: "Me? Writing a book? Maybe next I'll model French bikinis. Who knows?
Snap critique: With chapters such as My Body Was a Temple (Now It's a Two-Car Garage) and So Eat Something!: The Art of Being Jewish, what's not to love about this wise-cracking senior? But don't just take my word for it, here are endorsements from two industry heavyweights:
"It's funny, dear, insightful and inspiring, just like Estelle" - Barry Manilow
"I loved it. Estelle is warm, entertaining and very funny" - Bert Newton
Best read: On the bus home from the half-price early matinee at the cinema.